About 13 years ago, I left Toronto on a not so great note. It was the dead of winter when I wanted out of my partying life. I was feeling aimless, feeling hopeless and even asked my sister to help pay for a flight out because I was already broke. Although I can’t say that I ever took the steps to take my life but I will say that not wanting to be in this world were thoughts that took up a lot of real estate in my mind. It was probably the lowest I ever felt in my life.
Prior to that, I remember making a trip out to Malaysia and something felt right about this place. I ran away from my own demons to forge a new life for myself. I could finally escape my own reality and make something of myself.
I felt saved in many ways. Not all of us are lucky and sometimes the voices in our head will drown out the love everyone has for you despite how much you know how much they care— your pain still hurts more. We are all struggling in our own ways and the shame we carry keeps us stuck from taking the next step.
On #worldsuicidepreventionday I hope whoever is struggling will be able to speak to someone. I know it’s scary and it feels like the darkest of days, but I promise light will come and it will be worth living.
Today I honour dear Rita Pita. We always had the best times and even better times when we would go to the supermarket and then head back fo yours for more giggles. I wish there was more time in the world for you. I hope you’ve found your peace and you will live in all of our hearts forever. ❤️
