「裂縫」所在——黃裕邦《天裂》的敘事技巧 ◎呂穎彤
一、前言
黃裕邦(Nicholas YB Wong),生於1979年,香港詩人,畢業於香港大學比較文學系碩士,及香港城市大學英語創意寫作藝術碩士,現任香港教育大學文學及文化學系一級講師。作為土生土長香港人,他未曾居住過英語系國家,但卻主要不以母語中文創作,而是寫英語詩。他於2012年出版首本英文詩集《Cities of Sameness》,2015年出版《Crevasse》,並憑此書榮獲美國LGBTQ文學獎——蘭布達文學獎(Lambda Literrary Awards)男同志詩歌組別首獎,作品除了書寫性向、身體、慾望外,亦討論文化差異、邊緣人物的掙扎等。得獎作品《Crevasse》於2018年翻譯成中文版本《天裂》,譯者為徐晞文。
如同名字一樣,《天裂》這本詩集就像是一道裂縫,指的並不是陷落,而是一種不落兩邊的狀態。在語言的使用上,黃裕邦本來就選擇了一個奇特的位置,在自己的土地上以外語寫作,故不能把他的作品歸類為外國文學,但同時又無法輕易稱之為香港文學,處於一個曖昧的位置。因此當《Crevasse》翻譯成《天裂》時,同樣的狀態再次被挪置到翻譯文化上,《天裂》並不落在「外譯」或「內譯」、「歸化」或「異化」的任何框架之內。在香港,所謂「外譯」,指的是香港中文文學翻譯成任何語言出版,如此之下,似乎惟有以中文創作的香港文學作品,才能歸類為「內」。1而「內譯」指的是香港文學翻譯成任何一種語言並在港出版,《天裂》本應屬於此類。2然而,香港特殊的翻譯文化底下,《天裂》因使用英語創作,無法被歸類為香港文學,不是「內譯」,那麼與之相對的「外譯」在如斯情況下也就失效。黃裕邦自動選擇成為被翻譯的對象3,顯示出他「拒絕絕對的定義、拒絕草率的分類、拒絕單純的歸化或異化」4,也因而永遠處於懸置的裂縫中。
無論是黃裕邦或《天裂》,本身已經擺出明確的姿態,寧可置身裂縫,但不願輕易被概括或總結。從詩人的敘事詩亦能窺探出這種特質,下文將分析〈MR.〉(〈先生〉)和〈眾母親〉兩首詩中,他如何使用人物塑造、製造話語權的角力,及營造曖昧氛圍,以達至「裂縫」的質地。
二、人物塑造
〈MR.〉(〈先生〉)和〈眾母親〉兩首敘事詩都以人物作為敘事中心,並藉由塑造人物形象,製造出不落兩邊的夾縫感。詩人選擇敘述的人物,都先以邊緣或弱勢的形象登場。
〈MR.〉(〈先生〉)中的「He(他)」以同志與病人的雙重身分登場,他「leaning almost too close to a man(跟一個男子幾乎挨得太近)」5,而且「in the same tee(穿同款T恤)」6,暗示他同志的身份。在香港的語境下,同性戀處於較為邊緣或弱勢的位置,故「He」是社會中游離分子。同時他亦患有肝病,「his liver a budded rival of his own cells(他的肝臟長滿苞芽,與自身的細胞為敵)」7,體內的細胞受到攻擊,身體狀況每況越下。此外,詩人透過視角的描述,減弱「He」的機動性,使用被動句「got spotted(被發現)」8,使之成為被凝視的對象,剝奪其主動性。詩人以各種細節將「He」塑造成社會中的少數,然而開首「He taught me about empires(他教過我帝國歷史)」9,卻首先定調了他屬於社經地位高的一群,他應是一名叫歷史教授,而且教帝國歷史,很有可能是白人。如此之下,邊緣的、弱勢的身份,與他高學歷、中產的形象碰撞,拉扯出一道裂縫,「He」成為一個無法輕易定義的人。
而〈眾母親〉中有媽媽與外婆兩位女性人物,兩者同樣是相對弱勢的存在。她們被「母親」的身份所束縛,只能選擇「從泥土或廚房裡出來」10,彷彿終其一生都必須肩負為家庭炒菜煮飯的責任,直到死後歸於塵土,生命呈被困的狀態。而且兩位母親均有殘缺,甚至已經死亡,「我媽」半盲,「如今生命於她是一團漆黑的渾沌」11一句,可以想像母親把自己的人生交付家庭,大半輩子過後,她自己生命的模樣其實模糊不清,而「外婆」則已然離世。似乎母親的角色是造成詩中女性陷入弱勢的原因,然而母親卻也是生命的源頭,「她身上曾有一個洞,她從洞裡擠/出了我媽,我媽又擠出了在座/每一個人」12,她們掌控生命的主導權。由是,強與弱兩種力量拉扯下,母親的形象難以定型,產生裂縫。
由此可見,詩人擅長並置人物的邊緣與主流、無力與掌控,造成力量的拉扯,形成角色形象的曖昧,達到不落兩邊的狀態。
三、詩中的話語權
詩人透過翻弄詩中的話語權,造成自己與人物的角力。〈MR.〉(〈先生〉)和〈眾母親〉中,詩人看似掌握全盤的話語權,無論是教授、媽媽或是外婆,全是被敘述的對象,讀者對於人物形象的掌握,均來自詩人的描述,而讀者也只能相信這些描述,人物基本上沒有發言權。〈MR.〉(〈先生〉)中的「He」曾獲得一次的發言機會,但唯一一次的發聲卻是示弱,「 point pens feckless, upside down in a mug,/unpaired(圓珠筆/沒精打采,倒插馬克杯內,不成對。/歷史並非重複出現的錯誤)」13,教授將自身比喻為圓珠筆,甚至使用「feckless(沒精打彩)」14、「upside down(倒插)」15等形容,讀者容易聯想到其男性生理上的不足。看來在詩中的對話場域下,詩人凌駕筆下的人物,全盤掌握話語權。
但細讀之下,卻會發現其中的弔詭之處,詩人其實才是弱勢的一方。詩人逐步翻轉兩者的權力關係,一開始「People like us traveled a lot(我們這種人經常出門)」16,以「我們」連結教授與自己,兩者關係平等。及後詩人慢慢透露自己的話語,其實早被教授掌控,「History not a mistake repeating but/a red smudgy rabbit stamp I once had for recounting/facts on time and exactly as he said.(歷史並非重複出現的錯誤,/而是我完全照他所說地複述史實,/而得到一隻髒兮兮的兔子蓋章。)」17「我」只能複述教授的話,而憑此獲得獎賞,教授是可以選擇給予獎勵與否的角色,權力結構上,明顯詩人在下。
正當讀者覺得教授才是真正有話語權的人,但實際上,詩人與教授的權力角力貫穿全詩,始終糾纏不清。「He」大概為白人男子,他教授「empires(帝國歷史)」18、「Reformation(宗教改革)」19、「Renaissance(文藝復興)」20等西方文化有關的內容,而「我」的身份與「He」呈對立狀態,「我」是香港學生,黃種人。「我」在學習不屬於自己文化的歷史與藝術,但在香港的語境底下,這些關於西方或英國的內容,似有若無地與自身有所關聯,因此「我」將永遠擺擺盪於接受與不接受、抗拒與迎合之間。
至於〈眾母親〉,外婆似乎並無話語權,但詩中能夠窺探出詩人對她的憐憫,給予外婆許多表達的機會。她雖然連自己的命運都無法掌控,甚至要由家人以外的他者「瞎眼靈媒」21言說來生的可能,作為亡者也處於失語狀態。然而外婆卻得以透過詩人的敘述,為自己的念頭與慾望發聲。詩中的後半部多次以外婆「垂涎」22、「試圖理解」23、「渴望」24、「但願」25表達她的思緒,她利用詩人言述為自己發言,翻轉了被遞奪話語權的狀況。
四、氣氛營造
〈MR.〉(〈先生〉)和〈眾母親〉前者利用碼頭的場景營造浮沉之感,後者則利用時空的曖昧性,讓詩中的人物、氣氛均處在裂縫狀態。
〈MR.〉(〈先生〉)對於場景的描述不多,但大抵可以知道地點在海傍。詩人並非透過對環境仔細的描寫來營造氛圍,而是先設定敘事的場面,然後抓住其特性,以聯想的方式跳接到象徵或思考性的語句,從實到虛。首節教授以同志的身份在碼頭登場,下節「從異性戀/的海岸轉戰至不那麼異性戀的土壤」26一句,承接碼頭的場面,以香港冷硬的海岸比喻異性戀,從實景轉至象徵。然後再往下過渡到第三節,已完全脫離海傍的場景,但擷取水的意象,「Mass increased,/buoyancy gave in. His body knew it(質量增加/浮力投降。他的身體也知道的)」27,突出水上升與下沉的角力拉扯。這種浮載浮沉、無統一定性的狀態貫穿全詩,無論是詩人和教授的關係、香港與西方、異性戀與同性戀都是懸浮的,無法輕易歸類與定義。
而〈眾母親〉雖然有清晰的事件與人物,但詩人透過抹去既定的時空概念,使全詩隱約帶著些微神秘與曖昧的氣氛。第一節「母親節是春天已過,夏日未至的時節」28已為整首詩定下基調,帶有不確定的性質,春夏交接是個難以言喻的時間點,它甚至不能稱為季節,既無春日的霧與濕,也無夏日的光與熱,落入一種晃蕩不明的時空。而下面探討兩位女性的生命,透過破除時空的框架,營造神秘、曖昧的氛圍,帶出她們的生命情狀。例如以帶有神秘學性質的靈媒入詩,靈媒用吟唱的方式,「以真假嗓音交替唱著」29外婆的下輩子,預言是關乎未來,因此時間的流動在此出現寬闊的跨度,模糊時間的界線,營造迷離詭祕之感。另外描述外婆處於生死之間,外婆依舊能夠思想,有所慾望,但卻是已死之人,詩人把外婆放置到「陽間」的空間,譬如「她垂涎脆炸春卷以及/迷你蛋撻的蛋黃/她伸出關節內腫的手,卻只能抓住/指縫間的凜冽寒氣」30,並置溫熱的食物與外婆的鬼魂,製造出外於生死的異空間。整首詩的情節、主題、人物都相對明確,然而每一節卻也都籠罩在一種隱然的不確定中,非春非夏,非生非死。
詩人無意塑造非常立體的場景,而是透過該場景的特質,加以放大、渲染,製造出或飄蕩或浮沉,捉摸不定的曖昧、神秘感。
五、總結
正如引言所述,黃裕邦在香港文學中屬於主流之外,《天裂》本身的成書方式,也是非常少見的特例,然而詩人並非邊緣,並非少數,他不落兩邊,身處裂縫中,懸浮著。他要顛覆固有,而這樣的姿態,他選擇以詩呈現。因此〈MR.〉(〈先生〉)和〈眾母親〉兩首敘事詩背後的狀態,是不輕易選擇任何一方,從人物塑造和調動詩中的話語權兩種手法,可以窺見詩人習慣先讓定下框架,然後將之與相異的元素並置,或者翻轉,打破讀者原先的既定印象,及後在透過氣氛的渲染,加強詩中不確定及曖昧的狀態。
黃裕邦的詩的狀態,那些裂縫,那些懸浮,很難不讓我們想像到他的城市香港,以及她的文化身份,同樣也是擺盪於一切定義之間,拒絕輕易的歸納。
註釋
1宋子江,〈《天裂》與文化翻譯——香港是個翻譯的革命?〉,載《天裂》(香港:水煮魚文化製作有限公司,2018),頁17。
2同註1,頁18。
3同註1,頁20。
4同註1,頁21。
5黃裕邦著,徐晞文譯,《天裂》(香港:水煮魚文化製作有限公司,2018年),頁58。
6同註5。
7同註5。
8同註5。
9同註5。
10同註5,頁60。
11同註5,頁61。
12同註5,頁63。
13同註5,頁59。
14同註5,頁59。
15同註5,頁59。
16同註5。
17同註5,頁59。
18同註5。
19同註5,頁59。
20同註5,頁63。
21同註5,頁61。
22同註5,頁62。
23同註5,頁62。
24同註5,頁63。
25同註5,頁63。
26同註5。
27同註5。
28同註5,頁60。
29同註5,頁61。
30同註5,頁62。
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美術設計:Sorrow沙若
圖片來源:Sorrow沙若
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https://cendalirit.blogspot.com/2021/02/20210221.html
#每天為你讀一首詩 #黃裕邦 #天裂
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IVF Journey, A Husband’s Perspective
Hi all, before reading further I would like to say this is NOT an instruction or tips for IVF and hopefully readers will understand my poorly written English. This is my journey as a father of the IVF baby girl. Why am I sharing all this? It is because my wife had a Facebook page of her IVF journey at https://facebook.com/ivfjourney2015/ and she told me that majorities (not all but most) feedback indicate husband not supportive enough to commit into a journey of IVF. I’m not a true supportive husband either, least I made up my mind to make it happen.
Let’s start with “Why IVF?”
We went for a fertilization test and results with;
Husband: Teratospermia (Human language, sperm is weak for fertilization process)
Wife: Unexplained infertility (I think this is easy to understand, there is for the confirming reason for this result and we don’t go for further test after it because it will consumes too much time and money)
We married and planned to have children late 2011, both our ages were 37 in 2015 because of late marriage. My wife introduced IVF because she does not want to give up and feels regretful in future and so do I. Maybe because I did too many regretful things in the past, now I do not want this happened to my wife. At least I do it better then ignoring it.
Preparation for IVF
Financially, I know it will involve amount of 20k – 30k “Ringgit Malaysia” in the whole process depending on the situation and this is only one chance for me. I don’t have the money for a second attempt because I need to allocate funds for delivery if success.
Mentally, I do some studies/research on IVF. The whole journey took 50 days and in one of the process my wife needs to do a self-injection daily. I quickly asked my wife “Daily injection?! Do I need to fetch you to clinic daily to do this?” She answered “No, we need to do this ourselves”. A final question from me going to be “How?!” After we sat down and discuss, we comes into conclusion and I will do the injection for her. This was the most painful and nervous moment I ever experience by poking a needle to my wife’s belly EVERYDAY!
Lifestyle, 6 months earlier. My wife told me the NO’s, NO alcohol NO smoking NO midnight wandering NO stress. I said, I will fly up to the skies like butterfly if I able to do all the NO’s. It’s like a mission impossible. How can a man like me not go out to social with friends without alcohol and smoke? The joke was sleeping early! You want me to social with my friends in breakfast or lunch time? At this time, she softly said “I really wants to have a cute baby in future, it looks more like a family. Furthermore, I don’t want to have regretful moments in future”. All these words came out of my love (wife), her words melted in my heart deeply. I told her “Ok, we will go for it BUT you will need to promise me ONE IMPORTANT thing. No matter the process success or not we only have one attempt we need to accept the truth and live happily without regret in future.” she agreed.
Commitment, this is not some empty promise. I made a huge commitment to change my lifestyle into zero alcohol, tobacco and lesser stress. If comparing the pain and suffers my wife will take in this journey e.g., injection, medication effects, hormone changes and all the effects from pregnancies to delivery, mine looks more alike small potatoes (looks much more simple). Trust me guys, don't compare it, if you do and more likely you're going loose badly. For the sake of making a better future, I had fulfilled this commitment.
IVF Journey Phase 1 “Unskilled Husband Injection”
Day 1, doctor consults us for Buserelin injection. I need to inject this medication into my wife's belly each day sharp at 8AM. The nurse had guided me side by side to do the first injection.
Day 2, I started my first injection to my wife's belly without anyone guiding beside. Feels a bit nervous because this time I'm doing it all by myself. I try to hum some music to distract my wife's from looking at the needle while injecting but still she is looking at it.
Day 3 - Day 15, sometime the injection hurting and causes bleeding/bruise to her. I need to find a new spot to inject every time and sees her bruise makes my pain in the heart too. My injection skills improved dramatically. She even told me that she doesn't feel pain like the beginning stages.
Day 16, follow up 2nd checkup. Doctor said, everything goes smoothly and added another medication to inject called Gonal-F to take home and start injecting on day 23. This message never surprises me because I've been told earlier, but just that the price to pay for this medication is quite costly.
Day 17 - Day 22, nothing much on these days and we just stick on the plan as usual.
IVF Journey Phase 2 “Stressful Night”
Day 23, Gonal F injections start today. This needle doesn't look same as those earlier, it comes with medication in it and look like a pen.
Day 24 - Day 26, side effects of the Gonal F medications started. My wife is feeling irritation at the injection site, fullness, bloating and tenderness in the lower abdomen due to the increasing size of the ovaries. Her mood changes dramatically as I can tell, but she endures it and tell me she can handle it.
Day 27, follow up 3rd checkup. Doctor said wife has eggs total of 12 and is ready for Transvaginal oocyte retrieval "Human language, Egg retrieval" at day 31.
Day 28 - Day 29, final injection of Gonal F. At day 29 night, I inject Ovidrel to wife belly to that causes the growth and release of a mature egg (ovulation) for day 31.
Day 30, resting whole day. Finally, we had a day without injection and worrying about holding any needles. Today we wondering about the egg growth, not knowing will the eggs grow more or still the same amount of 12.
Day 31, egg retrieval. 8 egg success retrieves and I give out my sperm for oocytes selection on the same day. Wife given cyclogest for oval protection after the egg retrieval.
IVF Journey Phase 3 “Hopeful Embryo Culture & Embryo Transfer”
Day 32 - Day 35, rest at home. We had pillow talk every night concerning about the growth of an embryo. We also look at sample growth stages of an embryo from the web to see what the current growth stage is.
Day 36, another hopeful and nervous morning. Doctor tells us the result of embryo culture as below;
Total Embryo Retrieve: 8
Embryo Qualified for ICSI: 6
Embryo Success until Cleavage Stage (Day 2 – Day 4): 3
Embryo Success until Blastocyst Stage (Day 5): 2
Embryo Qualified / Recommended for Transfer: 1
Both our eyes looked at each other, knowing only 1 Blastocyst Embryo available to transfer and doctor tell the same after it. I really do not know how to express both our feelings into words here, as we expected to have at least 2 Blastocyst out of 8 embryos and only left 1. We both agreed to proceed this only 1 Blastocyst transfer as this is the only choice we had. It's more likely walking on a 100ft tall string with no supports mission, a single error will fail the mission.
After the transfer process, wife given a room to rest for few hours. A nurse came and give us adjunctive medications, injections and advice while resting at room.
IVF Journey Phase 4 “The Final Moment of IVF”
Day 37 - Day 49, after the transfer. This period is known as 2WW (2 Weeks Wait) with adjunctive medications, injections and be very careful. I just let her sleep/rest more on the bed, I served her every meal in the room. We're also nervous and curious about pregnancy results on day 44, we tested with cheap pregnancy tester and get got a double line on it and we do have a little hope and joy with this result. On day 47, again we test, but this time with expensive pregnancy tester and the results double line again! We're so hopeful and happy at this moment. We really hope this result is true until the next checkup.
Day 50, final checkup. My wife goes for the hCG test by giving a sample of blood, we waited 2 hours for the results. While waiting, nurse guide us to a room to rest. Wife slept and I sat beside concerned on the hCG test results. 2 hours later, the doctor invited us to look for him. Before doctor speaks, while we are sitting down, my wife's eyes were starring in the hCG results number and she spotted the hCG number is 452. She smiles happily while doctor tells her "You are pregnant and congratulations! Come back after 2 weeks to scan for baby heartbeats. And please go out to the counter and ring the bell!”
Just Sharing My Thoughts
By all means, I’m not bragging about my success. I would like to say if anyone is planning on IVF, teamwork is very important and husband play a very important role to increase the success rate. Sometimes, I do feel like a spectator than a participant myself because I never experience any of the medical exams but this is not true. Every injection I put on her belly, I feel the pain in my heart as bad as she has on the belly. Ok, nothing much to share in this IVF journey and next time I might be sharing another journey as a Father! Here is my little baby girl Facebook page奥莉 Olivia Baby - 梁童心心 https://fb.me/oliviababylove if you wish to see her growth updates.
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