【防狼之心不可無】
My mum didn't teach me about the birds and the bees.
I was a voracious reader and figured it out on my own at the age of 8, while reading a Charlie Brown encyclopedia.
But what my mum relentlessly taught me was to be wary of wolves. Stranger or family, they can morph into big bad wolves.
My parents worked 12 hours a day to provide for me.
As they were often not around, my mum commando trained me to be fiercely independent since I was a little girl.
I would be home alone for as long as 8 hours after school.
Mum drilled into me never to answer the door if a stranger knocks.
Once when I was 5, I was crossing the small road, to find my grandpa at the market.
I was on my own.
(Told you I was trained young. I would also like to think we lived in a generally safe neighborhood.)
A stranger man stopped me in my track and asked me if I wanted sweets.
My red alert antenna shot up.
I said no firmly to the man.
(I had never liked candy anyway.)
He persisted and told me he could bring me to his car where there were many sweets and toys.
I glared at him as fiercely as a 5-year-old could and threatened to scream if he didn't leave.
The man hurriedly backed off.
My mum's script for dealing with such strangers worked!
When I was 7, I was taking buses on my own to my mum's office at Keppel, after school.
I worked part-time in my mum's office as a tele-operator, Girl Friday and did all sorts of admin duties. #childabuse
Mum was very strict in my telephone etiquette. Few people could tell that they were speaking to a 7-year-old over the phone.
It was a male-dominated environment, and my dad would insist that I wear more trousers than dresses. I rarely had any dress except for CNY. No mini skirts, no strappy revealing tops, no hot pants, no masquerading as a Disney princess looking for a Prince.
Before I was 12, my mum would often reinforced to me:
No man should be allowed to touch me. That would be molest and is a criminal offense.
Never get into a lift alone with another male stranger. If the man comes in after me, I must quickly exit the lift.
Don't talk to strangers, even if they are females.
Don't accept gifts, drinks or foods from strangers, in case they are drugged.
Learn to run quickly.
Learn to shout loudly and fiercely.
Don't show your fear in front of wolves.
Bite as hard as I can.
Kick right with all the strength I can.
Don't walk in dark streets.
Don't sleep on the bus.
Avoid sharing seats with men on the bus.
Always check to see if anyone is tailing me.
#ninjaintraining
For umpteen times throughout my childhood and teenage years, my mum would say, that I MUST let her know if any man touches me. Even if it's a male relative or my own father.
She said she would definitely pursue legal action if I was molested. Because my safety is of paramount importance to her than anything else.
Mum also went through many times, how I should react/slap/kick if there was an outrage of my modesty.
She told me why it was important to respect my body and not have it manipulated by others.
She emphasized to me about the virtue of celibacy before marriage and why girls should not abuse their bodies.
She also warned me not to trust men when they use love as a bait to get into bed with them or use excessive flowery words. Such men would never make good husbands.
And never never get myself drunk. #thankBuddhaIdontdrink
Mum also said, if she had to bring me up alone, without daddy, she would NEVER have another man live with us, in case anything happened to me. Blood is thicker than water, Mum would reiterate.
A woman never has to build her life and happiness on another man.
Mum led by example and held her word to the very end. #soproudofmymum
You can say I grew up in a very protective environment and had a distinct sense of what is right and wrong because of my mum.
I count myself fortunate that I had never been put in compromising situations.
Or rather, I was quick to jump out when the situation isn't going right.
Like when passengers make funny requests to me on board.
The worst was when a Chief Steward walked behind me, at a narrow aisle and slided his hand against the back of my waist.
I was ready to crack his wrist and then "apologise" profusely if he did it again.
#crackfirstthenreport #大不了丟工作罷了
I also do not like it when taking photos with men, and their hands slide up to my shoulders.
Your hand got no better place to put? Did you ask for permission? #crack
About a year ago, I visited this new cafe for its desserts.
When I stepped into the cafe, this vibe of sadness enveloped me.
I was slightly perturbed. It was a newly renovated cafe, with highly Instagrammable decor.
Why the gloom? Could my Feng Shui antenna have sensed things wrongly?
I had my Luo Pan with me but didn't take the sitting directions of the cafe. It didn't seem appropriate at that time.
A few days ago, I read of its owner having depression since she was a child.
Her parents fought often and after the divorce, she stayed with her mum and her mum's boyfriend's family.
She was only 9 years old when the father of her mum's boyfriend molested her. It was her second time being molested by an adult figure.
The old man orchestrated to first win her trust and reliance, when the old man offered to pick her up from school, as her mum worked long hours. Sometimes she had to wait 5 hours before her mum could picked her up.
Not once did she spoke a word about this to her mum. She didn't wanted to burden her mother who worked 3 jobs and being lonely and bullied in school, she was "wrongly" glad that someone wanted her.
Ever since such a turbulent childhood, she had never felt emotionally secure. When she broke up with her boyfriend of 6 years, she sunk further into clinical depression, feeling that she had lost her safety net in life.
One lady I knew had a father who molested her younger sister. Ever since she knew, she became very wary of him.
Once while she was sleeping, her father came up to her bed, on the pretext of covering her with the blanket.
She woke up in time before anything happened.
I also heard of a real-life story where all the 3 daughters were molested in turn by their father. I knew one of them.
None of them told their mother.
One day, the father died at his work site, due to a crane accident. At his funeral, the eldest daughter said coldly to his dead body that she would now forgive him.
Why do you think he died such a horrible death, my friend?
To all parents out there, as you send your children to one enrichment class after another, please do not neglect to teach your children about wolves.
Your children need to feel safe to confide into you.
You need to educate them what is unacceptable behaviour when it comes to their bodies.
The world is getting more dangerous.
Our children must be skilled in handling unexpected situations where trust is breached.
Don't assume it will never happen to your children.
If it does, I hope for the good of your common sense, that you will do what is necessary to protect your child. Don't sweep things under the blanket and jeopardize your child's emotional sanity for the rest of his/her life.
Bad things don't just happen to little girls. Little boys should be well-informed too.
If you fail in your protective duty as a parent, the first adult that a child trust, you will not be spared from the clutches of Yin punishment.
And if you are a wolf in a sheep's clothing reading this, wake up your idea and repent soon.
Even if the police is unable to arrest you,
no one gets away from Karma.
The consequences of your evil deeds will always haunt you, even in your next life and next next life, till the people you hurt get their revenge and you truly repent, never to repeat your misdeeds again.
.........
天知地知 你知我知 何謂無知，
善報惡報 遲報速報 終須有報。
陽世官刑雖幸免，
陰司法網總難逃。
～ 新加坡韭菜芭城隍廟
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