I've been a mother for 10weeks now. I must say the most challenging part of it all till date is Breastfeeding!
It has brought the term 'Love-Hate Relationship' to a whole new level.
I hate how feeding on demand is completely out of my control. I feel like I've lost my self, my identity, my life. I'm just a milk provider waiting round the clock for her to drink.
I hate that i have to watch what i eat bcoz it might decrease my milk supply, it might give her gas, it might give her rash, she might be allergic to certain things that i ate.
I hate that it has changed the way my breast and nipple look forever.
I hate that i wake up with wet tshirt on so many nights. And i sit wide awake in the wee hours in the morning contemplating if i should pump or sleep through in case she wakes up after i pump.
I hate that i have to work so hard to increase the supply of my milk! Toggling between Sunflower Lecithin to Cash Cow so that my milk is rich but it doesnt cause block duct! And eventually dropping all of it and go back to basics.
I hate that i love it so much. :)
For everything that i hate about it, there's only one reason to make up for all of it.
I love and cherish those moments with her.
When she's latching on me, it feels like we are in a world where it's just me and her. I know we r bonding in a special way that only both of us know. I know every fold and gram that she has put on is because of my blood, sweat and tears (can't be more literal).
I know that someday this will end and i know i will miss it terribly. And so, even though some days can be so tough, especially when she goes into growth spurt (Gosh, these growth spurts.. another story for another time), i bite the bullet through tears and frustration, and i just keep going.
The magic with motherhood is, few months down the road, all we can remember are the beautiful moments. It's only been 10 weeks and I'm already starting to forget how hard it was in the beginning. I love this selective memory! Lol
That being said, i know formula is an option and there's no discrimination. But breastfeeding and exclusive latching is my choice. So, Peace out.
