這是前些日子爆出已經被加拿大法院接理對藏傳佛教噶舉派法王的訟訴。(加拿大法院鏈接在此:https://www.bccourts.ca/jdb-txt/sc/21/09/2021BCSC0939cor1.htm?fbclid=IwAR2FLZlzmUIGTBaTuKPVchEqqngcE3Qy6G_C0TWNWVKa2ksbIYkVJVMQ8f8)
這位法王的桃色事件,我是幾年前才聽到。但,藏傳佛教的高層有這些性醜聞,我已經聽了幾十年。我以前的一位前女友也被一些堪布藉故上她的家摟抱過,也有一些活佛跟她表白。(這不只是她,其他地方我也聽過不少)
這是一個藏傳佛教裡面系統式的問題。
很多時候發生這種事情,信徒和教主往往都是說女方得不到寵而報仇,或者說她們也精神病,或者說她們撒謊。
我不排除有這種可能性,但,多過一位,甚至多位出來指證的時候,我是傾向於相信『沒有那麼巧這麼多有精神病的女人要撒謊來報仇』。
大寶法王的桃色事件,最先吹哨的是一位台灣的在家信徒,第二位是香港的女出家人,現在加拿大又多一位公開舉報上法庭。
對大寶法王信徒來說,這一次的比較麻煩,因為是有孩子的。(關於有孩子的,我早在法王的桃色事件曝光時,就有聽聞)
如果法庭勒令要驗證DNA,這對法王和他的信徒來說,會很尷尬和矛盾,因為做或不做,都死。
你若問我,我覺得『人數是有力量的』,同時我也覺得之後有更多的人站出來,是不出奇的。
我也藉此呼籲各方佛教徒,如果你們真的愛佛教,先別說批判,但如鴕鳥般不討論這些爭議,你是間接害了佛教。
(下面是我從加拿大法院鏈接拷貝下來的內容,當中有很多細節。)
Table of Contents
INTRODUCTION
BACKGROUND
ANALYSIS
A. The Spousal Support Claim in this Case
B. The Test to Amend Pleadings
C. Pleadings in Family Law Cases
D. The Legal Concept of a Marriage-Like Relationship
E. Is There a Reasonable Claim of a Marriage-Like Relationship?
F. Delay / Prejudice
CONCLUSION
INTRODUCTION
[1] The claimant applies to amend her notice of family claim to seek spousal support. At issue is whether the claimant’s allegations give rise to a reasonable claim she lived with the respondent in a marriage-like relationship, so as to give rise to a potential entitlement to spousal support under the Family Law Act, S.B.C. 2011, c. 25 (“FLA”).
[2] The facts alleged by the claimant do not fit within a traditional concept of marriage. The claimant does not allege that she and the respondent ever lived together. Indeed, she has only met the respondent in person four times: twice very briefly in a public setting; a third time in private, when she alleges the respondent sexually assaulted her; and a fourth and final occasion, when she informed the respondent she was pregnant with his child.
[3] The claimant’s case is that what began as a non-consensual sexual encounter evolved into a loving and affectionate relationship. That relationship occurred almost entirely over private text messages. The parties rarely spoke on the telephone, and never saw one another during the relationship, even over video. The claimant says they could not be together because the respondent is forbidden by his station and religious beliefs from intimate relationships or marriage. Nonetheless, she alleges, they formed a marriage-like relationship that lasted from January 2018 to January 2019.
[4] The respondent denies any romantic relationship with the claimant. While he acknowledges providing emotional and financial support to the claimant, he says it was for the benefit of the child the claimant told him was his daughter.
[5] The claimant’s proposed amendment raises a novel question: can a secret relationship that began on-line and never moved into the physical world be like a marriage? In my view, that question should be answered by a trial judge after hearing all of the evidence. The alleged facts give rise to a reasonable claim the claimant lived with the respondent in a marriage-like relationship. Accordingly, I grant the claimant leave to amend her notice of family claim.
BACKGROUND
[6] It should be emphasized that this is an application to amend pleadings only. The allegations by the claimant are presumed to be true for the purposes of this application. Those allegations have not been tested in a court of law.
[7] The respondent, Ogyen Trinley Dorje, is a high lama of the Karma Kagyu School of Tibetan Buddhism. He has been recognized and enthroned as His Holiness, the 17th Gyalwang Karmapa. Without meaning any disrespect, I will refer to him as Mr. Dorje in these reasons for judgment.
[8] Mr. Dorje leads a monastic and nomadic lifestyle. His true home is Tibet, but he currently resides in India. He receives followers from around the world at the Gyuto Monetary in India. He also travels the world teaching Tibetan Buddhist Dharma and hosting pujas, ceremonies at which Buddhists express their gratitude and devotion to the Buddha.
[9] The claimant, Vikki Hui Xin Han, is a former nun of Tibetan Buddhism. Ms. Han first encountered Mr. Dorje briefly at a large puja in 2014. The experience of the puja convinced Ms. Han she wanted to become a Buddhist nun. She met briefly with Mr. Dorje, in accordance with Kagyu traditions, to obtain his approval to become a nun.
[10] In October 2016, Ms. Han began a three-year, three-month meditation retreat at a monastery in New York State. Her objective was to learn the practices and teachings of the Kagyu Lineage. Mr. Dorje was present at the retreat twice during the time Ms. Han was at the monastery.
[11] Ms. Han alleges that on October 14, 2017, Mr. Dorje sexually assaulted her in her room at the monastery. She alleges that she became pregnant from the assault.
[12] After she learned that she was pregnant, Ms. Han requested a private audience with Mr. Dorje. In November 2017, in the presence of his bodyguards, Ms. Han informed Mr. Dorje she was pregnant with his child. Mr. Dorje initially denied responsibility; however, he provided Ms. Han with his email address and a cellphone number, and, according to Ms. Han, said he would “prepare some money” for her.
[13] Ms. Han abandoned her plan to become a nun, left the retreat and returned to Canada. She never saw Mr. Dorje again.
[14] After Ms. Han returned to Canada, she and Mr. Dorje began a regular communication over an instant messaging app called Line. They also exchanged emails and occasionally spoke on the telephone.
[15] The parties appear to have expressed care and affection for one another in these communications. I say “appear to” because it is difficult to fully understand the meaning and intentions of another person from brief text messages, especially those originally written in a different language. The parties wrote in a private shorthand, sharing jokes, emojis, cartoon portraits and “hugs” or “kisses”. Ms. Han was the more expressive of the two, writing more frequently and in longer messages. Mr. Dorje generally participated in response to questions or prompting from Ms. Han, sometimes in single word messages.
[16] Ms. Han deposes that she believed Mr. Dorje was in love with her and that, by January 2018, she and Mr. Dorje were living in a “conjugal relationship”.
[17] During their communications, Ms. Han expressed concern that her child would be “illegitimate”. She appears to have asked Mr. Dorje to marry her, and he appears to have responded that he was “not ready”.
[18] Throughout 2018, Mr. Dorje transferred funds in various denominations to Ms. Han through various third parties. Ms. Han deposes that these funds were:
a) $50,000 CDN to deliver the child and for postpartum care she was to receive at a facility in Seattle;
b) $300,000 CDN for the first year of the child’s life;
c) $20,000 USD for a wedding ring, because Ms. Han wrote “Even if we cannot get married, you must buy me a wedding ring”;
d) $400,000 USD to purchase a home for the mother and child.
[19] On June 19, 2018, Ms. Han gave birth to a daughter in Richmond, B.C.
[20] On September 17, 2018, Mr. Dorje wrote, ”Taking care of her and you are my duty for life”.
[21] Ms. Han’s expectation was that the parties would live together in the future. She says they planned to live together. Those plans evolved over time. Initially they involved purchasing a property in Toronto, so that Mr. Dorje could visit when he was in New York. They also discussed purchasing property in Calgary or renting a home in Vancouver for that purpose. Ms. Han eventually purchased a condominium in Richmond using funds provided by Mr. Dorje.
[22] Ms. Han deposes that the parties made plans for Mr. Dorje to visit her and meet the child in Richmond. In October 2018, however, Mr. Dorje wrote that he needed to “disappear” to Europe. He wrote:
I will definitely find a way to meet her
And you
Remember to take care of yourself if something happens
[23] The final plan the parties discussed, according to Ms. Han, was that Mr. Dorje would sponsor Ms. Han and the child to immigrate to the United States and live at the Kagyu retreat centre in New York State.
[24] In January 2019, Ms. Han lost contact with Mr. Dorje.
[25] Ms. Han commenced this family law case on July 17, 2019, seeking child support, a declaration of parentage and a parentage test. She did not seek spousal support.
[26] Ms. Han first proposed a claim for spousal support in October 2020 after a change in her counsel. Following an exchange of correspondence concerning an application for leave to amend the notice of family claim, Ms. Han’s counsel wrote that Ms. Han would not be advancing a spousal support claim. On March 16, 2020, counsel reversed course, and advised that Ms. Han had instructed him to proceed with the application.
[27] When this application came on before me, the trial was set to commence on June 7, 2021. The parties were still in the process of discoveries and obtaining translations for hundreds of pages of documents in Chinese characters.
[28] At a trial management conference on May 6, 2021, noting the parties were not ready to proceed, Madam Justice Walkem adjourned the trial to April 11, 2022.
ANALYSIS
A. The Spousal Support Claim in this Case
[29] To claim spousal support in this case, Ms. Han must plead that she lived with Mr. Dorje in a marriage-like relationship. This is because only “spouses” are entitled to spousal support, and s. 3 of the Family Law Act defines a spouse as a person who is married or has lived with another person in a marriage-like relationship:
3 (1) A person is a spouse for the purposes of this Act if the person
(a) is married to another person, or
(b) has lived with another person in a marriage-like relationship, and
(i) has done so for a continuous period of at least 2 years, or
(ii) except in Parts 5 [Property Division] and 6 [Pension Division], has a child with the other person.
[30] Because she alleges she has a child with Mr. Dorje, Ms. Han need not allege that the relationship endured for a continuous period of two years to claim spousal support; but she must allege that she lived in a marriage-like relationship with him at some point in time. Accordingly, she must amend the notice of family claim.
B. The Test to Amend Pleadings
[31] Given that the notice of trial has been served, Ms. Han requires leave of the court to amend the notice of family claim: Supreme Court Family Rule 8-1(1)(b)(i).
[32] A person seeking to amend a notice of family claim must show that there is a reasonable cause of action. This is a low threshold. What the applicant needs to establish is that, if the facts pleaded are proven at trial, they would support a reasonable claim. The applicant’s allegations of fact are assumed to be true for the purposes of this analysis. Cantelon v. Wall, 2015 BCSC 813, at para. 7-8.
[33] The applicant’s delay, the reasons for the delay, and the prejudice to the responding party are also relevant factors. The ultimate consideration is whether it would be just and convenient to allow the amendment. Cantelon, at para. 6, citing Teal Cedar Products Ltd. v. Dale Intermediaries Ltd. et al (1986), 19 B.C.L.R. (3d) 282.
C. Pleadings in Family Law Cases
[34] Supreme Court Family Rules 3-1(1) and 4-1(1) require that a claim to spousal support be pleaded in a notice of family claim in Form F3. Section 2 of Form F3, “Spousal relationship history”, requires a spousal support claimant to check the boxes that apply to them, according to whether they are or have been married or are or have been in a marriage-like relationship. Where a claimant alleges a marriage-like relationship, Form F3 requires that they provide the date on which they began to live together with the respondent in a marriage-like relationship and, where applicable, the date on which they separated. Form F3 does not require a statement of the factual basis for the claim of spousal support.
[35] In this case, Ms. Han seeks to amend the notice of family claim to allege that she and Mr. Dorje began to live in a marriage-like relationship in or around January 2018, and separated in or around January 2019.
[36] An allegation that a person lived with a claimant in a marriage-like relationship is a conclusion of law, not an allegation of fact. Unlike the rules governing pleadings in civil actions, however, the Supreme Court Family Rules do not expressly require family law claimants to plead the material facts in support of conclusions of law.
[37] In other words, there is no express requirement in the Supreme Court Family Rules that Ms. Han plead the facts on which she relies for the allegation she and Mr. Dorje lived in a marriage-like relationship.
[38] Rule 4-6 authorizes a party to demand particulars, and then apply to the court for an order for further and better particulars, of a matter stated in a pleading. However, unless and until she is granted leave and files the proposed amended notice of family claim, Ms. Han’s allegation of a marriage-like relationship is not a matter stated in a pleading.
[39] Ms. Han filed an affidavit in support of her application to amend the notice of family claim. Normally, evidence would not be required or admissible on an application to amend a pleading. However, in the unusual circumstances of this case, the parties agreed I may look to Ms. Han’s affidavit and exhibits for the facts she pleads in support of the allegation of a marriage-like relationship.
[40] Because this is an application to amend - and Ms. Han’s allegations of fact are presumed to be true - I have not considered Mr. Dorje’s responding affidavit.
[41] Relying on affidavit evidence for an application to amend pleadings is less than ideal. It tends to merge and confuse the material facts with the evidence that would be relied on to prove those facts. In a number of places in her affidavit, for example, Ms. Han describes her feelings, impressions and understandings. A person’s hopes and intentions are not normally material facts unless they are mutual or reasonably held. The facts on which Ms. Han alleges she and Mr. Dorje formed a marriage-like relationship are more important for the present purposes than her belief they entered into a conjugal union.
[42] Somewhat unusually, in this case, almost all of the parties’ relevant communications were in writing. This makes it somewhat easier to separate the facts from the evidence; however, as stated above, it is difficult to understand the intentions and actions of a person from brief text messages.
[43] In my view, it would be a good practice for applicants who seek to amend their pleadings in family law cases to provide opposing counsel and the court with a schedule of the material facts on which they rely for the proposed amendment.
D. The Legal Concept of a Marriage-Like Relationship
[44] As Mr. Justice Myers observed in Mother 1 v. Solus Trust Company, 2019 BCSC 200, the concept of a marriage-like relationship is elastic and difficult to define. This elasticity is illustrated by the following passage from Yakiwchuk v. Oaks, 2003 SKQB 124, quoted by Myers J. at para. 133 of Mother 1:
[10] Spousal relationships are many and varied. Individuals in spousal relationships, whether they are married or not, structure their relationships differently. In some relationships there is a complete blending of finances and property - in others, spouses keep their property and finances totally separate and in still others one spouse may totally control those aspects of the relationship with the other spouse having little or no knowledge or input. For some couples, sexual relations are very important - for others, that aspect may take a back seat to companionship. Some spouses do not share the same bed. There may be a variety of reasons for this such as health or personal choice. Some people are affectionate and demonstrative. They show their feelings for their “spouse” by holding hands, touching and kissing in public. Other individuals are not demonstrative and do not engage in public displays of affection. Some “spouses” do everything together - others do nothing together. Some “spouses” vacation together and some spend their holidays apart. Some “spouses” have children - others do not. It is this variation in the way human beings structure their relationships that make the determination of when a “spousal relationship” exists difficult to determine. With married couples, the relationship is easy to establish. The marriage ceremony is a public declaration of their commitment and intent. Relationships outside marriage are much more difficult to ascertain. Rarely is there any type of “public” declaration of intent. Often people begin cohabiting with little forethought or planning. Their motivation is often nothing more than wanting to “be together”. Some individuals have chosen to enter relationships outside marriage because they did not want the legal obligations imposed by that status. Some individuals have simply given no thought as to how their relationship would operate. Often the date when the cohabitation actually began is blurred because people “ease into” situations, spending more and more time together. Agreements between people verifying when their relationship began and how it will operate often do not exist.
[45] In Mother 1, Mr. Justice Myers referred to a list of 22 factors grouped into seven categories, from Maldowich v. Penttinen, (1980), 17 R.F.L. (2d) 376 (Ont. Dist. Ct.), that have frequently been cited in this and other courts for the purpose of determining whether a relationship was marriage-like, at para. 134 of Mother 1:
1. Shelter:
(a) Did the parties live under the same roof?
(b) What were the sleeping arrangements?
(c) Did anyone else occupy or share the available accommodation?
2. Sexual and Personal Behaviour:
(a) Did the parties have sexual relations? If not, why not?
(b) Did they maintain an attitude of fidelity to each other?
(c) What were their feelings toward each other?
(d) Did they communicate on a personal level?
(e) Did they eat their meals together?
(f) What, if anything, did they do to assist each other with problems or during illness?
(g) Did they buy gifts for each other on special occasions?
3. Services:
What was the conduct and habit of the parties in relation to:
(a) preparation of meals;
(b) washing and mending clothes;
(c) shopping;
(d) household maintenance; and
(e) any other domestic services?
4. Social:
(a) Did they participate together or separately in neighbourhood and community activities?
(b) What was the relationship and conduct of each of them toward members of their respective families and how did such families behave towards the parties?
5. Societal:
What was the attitude and conduct of the community toward each of them and as a couple?
6. Support (economic):
(a) What were the financial arrangements between the parties regarding the provision of or contribution toward the necessaries of life (food, clothing, shelter, recreation, etc.)?
(b) What were the arrangements concerning the acquisition and ownership of property?
(c) Was there any special financial arrangement between them which both agreed would be determinant of their overall relationship?
7. Children:
What was the attitude and conduct of the parties concerning children?
[46] In Austin v. Goerz, 2007 BCCA 586, the Court of Appeal cautioned against a “checklist approach”; rather, a court should "holistically" examine all the relevant factors. Cases like Molodowich provide helpful indicators of the sorts of behaviour that society associates with a marital relationship, the Court of Appeal said; however, “the presence or absence of any particular factor cannot be determinative of whether a relationship is marriage-like” (para. 58).
[47] In Weber v. Leclerc, 2015 BCCA 492, the Court of Appeal again affirmed that there is no checklist of characteristics that will be found in all marriages and then concluded with respect to evidence of intentions:
[23] The parties’ intentions – particularly the expectation that the relationship will be of lengthy, indeterminate duration – may be of importance in determining whether a relationship is “marriage-like”. While the court will consider the evidence expressly describing the parties’ intentions during the relationship, it will also test that evidence by considering whether the objective evidence is consonant with those intentions.
[24] The question of whether a relationship is “marriage-like” will also typically depend on more than just their intentions. Objective evidence of the parties’ lifestyle and interactions will also provide direct guidance on the question of whether the relationship was “marriage-like”.
[48] Significantly for this case, the courts have looked to mutual intent in order to find a marriage-like relationship. See, for example, L.E. v. D.J., 2011 BCSC 671 and Buell v. Unger, 2011 BCSC 35; Davey Estate v. Gruyaert, 2005 CarswellBC 3456 at 13 and 35.
[49] In Mother 1, Myers J. concluded his analysis of the law with the following learned comment:
[143] Having canvassed the law relating to the nature of a marriage-like relationship, I will digress to point out the problematic nature of the concept. It may be apparent from the above that determining whether a marriage-like relationship exists sometimes seems like sand running through one's fingers. Simply put, a marriage-like relationship is akin to a marriage without the formality of a marriage. But as the cases mentioned above have noted, people treat their marriages differently and have different conceptions of what marriage entails.
[50] In short, the determination of whether the parties in this case lived in a marriage-like relationship is a fact-specific inquiry that a trial judge would need to make on a “holistic” basis, having regard to all of the evidence. While the trial judge may consider the various factors listed in the authorities, those factors would not be treated as a checklist and no single factor or category of factors would be treated as being decisive.
E. Is There a Reasonable Claim of a Marriage-Like Relationship?
[51] In this case, many of the Molodowich factors are missing:
a) The parties never lived under the same roof. They never slept together. They were never in the same place at the same time during the relationship. The last time they saw each other in person was in November 2017, before the relationship began.
b) The parties never had consensual sex. They did not hug, kiss or hold hands. With the exception of the alleged sexual assault, they never touched one another physically.
c) The parties expressed care and affection for one another, but they rarely shared personal information or interest in their lives outside of their direct topic of communication. They did not write about their families, their friends, their religious beliefs or their work.
d) They expressed concern and support for one another when the other felt unwell or experienced health issues, but they did not provide any care or assistance during illness or other problems.
e) They did not assist one another with domestic chores.
f) They did not share their relationship with their peers or their community. There is no allegation, for example, that Mr. Dorje told his fellow monks or any of his followers about the relationship. There is no allegation that Ms. Han told her friends or any co-workers. Indeed, there is no allegation that anyone, with the exception of Ms. Han’s mother, knew about the relationship. Although Mr. Dorje gave Ms. Han’s mother a gift, he never met the mother and he never spoke to her.
g) They did not intend to have a child together. The child was conceived as a result of a sexual assault. While Mr. Dorje expressed interest in “meeting” the child, he never followed up. He currently has no relationship with the child. There is no allegation he has sought access or parenting arrangements.
[52] The only Molodowich factor of any real relevance in this case is economic support. Mr. Dorje provided the funds with which Ms. Han purchased a condominium. Mr. Dorje initially wrote that he wanted to buy a property with the money, but, he wrote, “It’s the same thing if you buy [it]”.
[53] Mr. Dorje also provided a significant amount of money for Ms. Han’s postpartum care and the child’s first year of life.
[54] This financial support may have been primarily for the benefit of the child. Even the condominium, Ms. Han wrote, was primarily for the benefit of the child.
[55] However, in my view, a trial judge may attach a broader significance to the financial support from Mr. Dorje than child support alone. A trial judge may find that the money Mr. Dorje provided to Ms. Han at her request was an expression of his commitment to her in circumstances in which he could not commit physically. The money and the gifts may be seen by the trial judge to have been a form of down payment by Mr. Dorje on a promise of continued emotional and financial support for Ms. Han, or, in Mr. Dorje’s own words, “Taking care of her and you are my duty for life” (emphasis added).
[56] On the other hand, I find it difficult to attach any particular significance to the fact that Mr. Dorje agreed to provide funds for Ms. Han to purchase a wedding ring. It appears to me that Ms. Han demanded that Mr. Dorje buy her a wedding ring, not that the ring had any mutual meaning to the parties as a marriage symbol. But it is relevant, in my view, that Mr. Dorje provided $20,000 USD to Ms. Han for something she wanted that was of no benefit to the child.
[57] Further, Ms. Han alleges that the parties intended to live together. At a minimum, a trial judge may find that the discussions about where Ms. Han and the child would live reflected a mutual intention of the parties to see one another and spend time together when they could.
[58] Mr. Dorje argues that an intention to live together at some point in the future is not sufficient to show that an existing relationship was marriage-like. He argues that the question of whether the relationship was marriage-like requires more than just intentions, citing Weber, supra.
[59] In my view, the documentary evidence referred to above provides some objective evidence in this case that the parties progressed beyond mere intentions. As stated, the parties appear to have expressed genuine care and affection for one another. They appear to have discussed marriage, trust, honesty, finances, mutual obligations and acquiring family property. These are not matters one would expect Mr. Dorje to discuss with a friend or a follower, or even with the mother of his child, without a marriage-like element of the relationship.
[60] A trial judge may find on the facts alleged by Ms. Han that the parties loved one another and would have lived together, but were unable to do so because of Mr. Dorje’s religious duties and nomadic lifestyle.
[61] The question I raised in the introduction to these reasons is whether a relationship that began on-line and never moved into the physical world can be marriage-like.
[62] Notably, the definition of a spouse in the Family Law Act does not require that the parties live together, only that they live with another person in a marriage-like relationship.
[63] In Connor Estate, 2017 BCSC 978, Mr. Justice Kent found that a couple that maintained two entirely separate households and never lived under the same roof formed a marriage-like relationship. (Connor Estate was decided under the intestacy provisions of the Wills, Estates and Succession Act, S.B.C. 2009, c. 13 ("WESA"), but courts have relied on cases decided under WESA and the FLA interchangeably for their definitions of a spouse.) Mr. Justice Kent found:
[50] The evidence is overwhelming and I find as a fact that Mr. Chambers and Ms. Connor loved and cared deeply about each other, and that they had a loving and intimate relationship for over 20 years that was far more than mere friendship or even so-called "friendship with benefits". I accept Mr. Chambers' evidence that he would have liked to share a home with Ms. Connor after the separation from his wife, but was unable to do so because of Ms. Connor's hoarding illness. The evidence amply supports, and I find as a fact, that Mr. Chambers and Ms. Connor loved each other, were faithful to each other, communicated with each other almost every day when they were not together, considered themselves to be (and presented themselves to be) "husband and wife" and were accepted by all who knew them as a couple.
[64] Connor Estate may be distinguishable from this case because Mr. Chambers and Ms. Connor were physically intimate for over 20 years, and presented themselves to the world as a married couple.
[65] Other decisions in which a marriage-like relationship has been found to exist despite the parties not living together have involved circumstances in which the couple lived under the same roof at previous points in the relationship, and the issue was whether they continued to be spouses after they took up separate residences: in Thompson v. Floyd, 2001 BCCA 78, the parties had lived together for a period of at least 11 years; in Roach v. Dutra, 2010 BCCA 264, the parties had lived together for approximately three years.
[66] However, as Mr. Justice Kent noted in Connor Estate:
[48] … [W]hile much guidance might be found in this case law, the simple fact is that no two cases are identical (and indeed they usually vary widely) and it is the assessment of evidence as a whole in this particular case which matters.
[67] Mr. Justice Kent concluded:
[53] Like human beings themselves, marriage-like relationships can come in many and various shapes. In this particular case, I have no doubt that such a relationship existed …
[68] As stated, Ms. Han’s claim is novel. It may even be weak. Almost all of the traditional factors are missing. The fact that Ms. Han and Mr. Dorje never lived under the same roof, never shared a bed and never even spent time together in person will militate against a finding they lived with one another in a marriage-like relationship. However, the traditional factors are not a mandatory check-list that confines the “elastic” concept of a marriage-like relationship. And if the COVID pandemic has taught us nothing else, it is that real relationships can form, blossom and end in virtual worlds.
[69] In my view, the merits of Ms. Han’s claim should be decided on the evidence. Subject to an overriding prejudice to Mr. Dorje, she should have leave to amend the notice of family claim. However, she should also provide meaningful particulars of the alleged marriage-like relationship.
F. Delay / Prejudice
[70] Ms. Han filed her notice of family claim on July 17, 2019. She brought this application to amend approximately one year and nine months after she filed the pleading, just over two months before the original trial date.
[71] Ms. Han’s delay was made all that more remarkable by her change in position from January 19, 2021, when she confirmed, through counsel, that she was not seeking spousal support in this case.
[72] Ms. Han gave notice of her intention to proceed with this application to Mr. Dorje on March 16, 2021. By the time the application was heard, the parties had conducted examinations for discovery without covering the issues that would arise from a claim of spousal support.
[73] Also, in April, Ms. Han produced additional documents, primarily text messages, that may be relevant to her claim of spousal support, but were undecipherable to counsel for Mr. Dorje, who does not read Mandarin.
[74] This application proceeded largely on documents selected and translated by counsel for Ms. Han. I was informed that Mandarin translations of the full materials would take 150 days.
[75] Understandably in the circumstances, Mr. Dorje argued that an amendment two months before trial would be neither just nor convenient. He argued that he would be prejudiced by an adjournment so as to allow Ms. Han to advance a late claim of spousal support.
[76] The circumstances changed on May 6, 2021, when Madam Justice Walkem adjourned the trial to July 2022 and reset it for 25 days. Madam Justice Walkem noted that most of the witnesses live internationally and require translators. She also noted that paternity may be in issue, and Mr. Dorje may amend his pleadings to raise that issue. It seems clear that, altogether apart from the potential spousal support claim, the parties were not ready to proceed to trial on June 7, 2021.
[77] In my view, any remaining prejudice to Mr. Dorje is outweighed by the importance of having all of the issues between the parties decided on their merits.
[78] Ms. Han’s delay and changes of position on spousal support may be a matter to de addressed in a future order of costs; but they are not grounds on which to deny her leave to amend the notice of family claim.
CONCLUSION
[79] Ms. Han is granted leave to amend her notice of family claim in the form attached as Appendix A to the notice of application to include a claim for spousal support.
[80] Within 21 days, or such other deadline as the parties may agree, Ms. Han must provide particulars of the marriage-like relationship alleged in the amended notice of family claim.
[81] Ms. Han is entitled to costs of this application in the cause of the spousal support claim.
“Master Elwood”
同時也有2部Youtube影片,追蹤數超過638的網紅Rika Adrina,也在其Youtube影片中提到,NOPE, NOT FOR ME. Unless..... HAHAHAAH IM JUST KIDDING but it's a wonderful thought don't you think? I made this video cos i had so many questions abo...
holistic birth 在 李心潔 Sinje Lee Facebook 的最佳貼文
说一说…..父母
前一阵子,参加了一个心灵课程。
一位三十岁左右的男人出来做分享。
他在新加坡工作,去年得知妈妈的癌症复发,而且还开始扩散,心里很难过,也很纠结。
他问了一个长辈朋友他该选择留在新加坡继续打拼事业还是辞职回去陪伴妈妈?
那位长辈朋友跟他说了自己亲生的经历。
长辈朋友说他年轻的时候,母亲患癌症,他带着母亲到处寻医,希望可以把母亲治好。
最后有位医生跟他说,他的母亲只剩一个月的命。
他致电给远在国外念医学系的弟弟,告诉他这个消息。
他的弟弟几年前获得了某间著名大学的医科奖学金,一个人到国外升学。
他还剩四个月就毕业,正式成为一个专业医生。
他跟教授申请一个月的假期,希望自己可以陪母亲走完她最后的人生。
结果教授不领情,说如果他这时候停学,就没办法毕业。
后来,他跟教授说,他很谢谢教授这几年对他的照顾和教导,但母亲只有一个,于是他选择了停学,回到家乡照顾妈妈。
长辈朋友说,他的弟弟归来后,每天无微不至照顾卧床的母亲,喂食,洗澡,清洗排泄物….。
而母亲在孩子细心的照顾和陪伴下多活了三个月才离开人间。
听完长辈朋友的故事,他决定辞职,回到他成长的土地,回到那个赐予他生命的母亲身边。
他的妈妈因为不想再承受多年前做化疗的幸苦,于是选择自然疗法。
他陪着妈妈一起学习气功,一起练习。
当妈妈学习遇到障碍时,他耐心教导妈妈,陪伴她一次又一次的练习。
这一次她带着妈妈,甚至爸爸一起来上课,三人之间的交流一天比一天温暖,一天比一天更往内心深处流动。
你可以看见这个三十的大男孩,边哽咽边诚恳地分享他内心的感受时,脸上闪耀着光芒,他的孝心滋养着他的生命,富足了他的灵魂,也感动了所有聆听的每一颗心。
你可以看见他患癌的妈妈因为他的爱而流露出幸福的笑容。
你可以看见他踏出的每一步是如何地一点一点软化了平时大男人的爸爸,让老夫老妻的爸妈重新感受相爱的甜蜜。
这段分享一直在我心中流淌,像安静清澈的河流,流过之处都获得了一份滋润。
今年农历过年前,九十几岁的外公中风跌倒,摔断了腿,也检查出食道收窄而必须插鼻胃管进食。
外公一向喜欢独居,就算孩子怎么相劝,他还是不愿意搬去跟任何一个孩子居住。
于是妈妈在家里附近准备了一个房子给外公住,方便照顾他老人家。
这个区可热闹了,小弟,大舅,表妹,两个表弟都住在附近,而二弟和二弟媳就住在正对面,很多照应。
外公出院后,爸妈,三个阿姨和舅舅们每天轮班,24小时在身边照顾卧床的外公。
有个专业护士来给外公做护理和检查时,跟他们说以她的经验观察,外公可能没办法坚持到过完年。
妈妈致电给我,让我有点心理准备。
农历年回家乡时,本来妈妈阿姨们已经订好餐厅一共六桌酒席给外公和我一起庆祝生日,因为我们两人是同一天生日,而且经常很靠近或在过年期间,已经有好几年,我都和阿公一起接受大家的生日祝福,一起许愿,一起吹蜡烛,切蛋糕。而这一次,阿公不止不能庆祝生日,而且长辈们也交代我们不要提这件事,因为在马来西亚华人的传统习俗里,老人家病重忌过生日。
于是所有的孩子,孙子和曾孙子每天都到外公家拜年,聚餐,非常热闹。
外公虽然行动不便,但躺在床上静静的聆听子孙们欢乐的声音,让他觉得很开心,嘴角不自觉微微上扬,好像这些陪伴就是他最好的良药。
他不停吩咐阿姨一定要记得帮他准备好红包,他要亲自给我们每人一个红包。
“爸,新年快乐,身体健康…阿公,恭喜发财,身体健康….阿祖,恭喜发财…。“我们七十几个人沿着客厅到厨房排成长长的队伍,一个一个握着阿公的手,从他手上接过那封非常珍贵的红包。
过完年,回到家,每天和妈妈通电话跟进外公的情况。
一天一天细心的照顾下和子孙每天的陪伴下,外公不止渡过了整个农历年,还自行拔掉鼻胃管(因为太不舒服),然后神奇的开始可以自己进食。
前几天,弟媳传来一条短片,一打开,看见外公竟然可以站起来慢慢的步行了。
这一次新冠肺炎疫情在全球大爆发,欧洲许多独居和疗养院的老人,在未接受正式治疗下,在家或疗养院孤独离世。
而小黄花慈善教育基金会也在行动管制令期间为一些贫穷的独居老人提供免费粮食。
以前和阿姨们一起探访过一间老人院,院长说他看到越来越多的老人院开设,心里觉得很悲哀。
我们现代人引以为傲,这越来越先进,越来越文明,科技越来越发达,物品越来越精致,教育程度越来越高的都市里,为什么就容纳不下这些前半辈子都在为社会为家庭付出的生命呢?
他们曾经也是年轻气盛,朝气蓬勃的劳动者,为什么在他们最需要被关怀,被爱护,被疼爱的最后的岁月里却被遗忘甚至遗弃?
越来越多的优越感并没能让我们感受越来越多的快乐,越来越争取的私人空间让人们的距离越拉越远……。
远到我们都看不见一些真正重要和值得珍惜的人和事。
这些老人们的家人呢?
也许背后有很多很多的故事,但这些故事是不是也许可以因为少一点的自我,多一点的同理心而被改写呢?
宇宙创造生命,而父母就是带这些生命来到这个世界的桥梁。
为什么我们可以把最好的给孩子,却不能把最好的给父母?
好友奶茶一个人照顾奶奶,爸爸和妈妈三个老人家,经常就是走路去看他们,陪他们,给他们煮好吃的,大小事都替他们打点。
每次看到她分享和奶奶,爸妈的合照,影片和文字时,心里都特别感动。
她堂堂一个影后,视后,歌后,平日的生活里,就是一个尽心尽力在照顾上面三个老人和下面一个孩子的平凡妈妈,女儿和孙女。
去年,我和一个好友探访一家慈善收留所,里头住了六十几位失智老人,他们都是因为各种各样的原因而被收留,有一些偶尔有家人来探望,有一些甚至无人问津。
看着那些老人枯萎的身躯躺在床上,空洞地望向远方,任由孤寂一寸一寸地侵蚀他的灵魂,生命就在这暗淡的小屋里渐渐地走向死亡,心里很是难过。
让我们闭上眼,回想小时候,父母辛苦照顾我们的身影,安静下来,感受一下现在的父母,我们是不是还可以聆听到他们的声音,感受彼此连接的温暖?
Let’s talk about….. Parents
Just recently, I participated in a spiritual class. There was a man, in his thirties who did a sharing session. He works in Singapore and last year, he learned that his mother’s cancer had recurred and it had begun to spread. He felt a wave of sad and complicated emotions overcome him.
He asked an elderly friend for advice, if he should choose to stay in Singapore to pursue his career or resign to accompany his mother?
This elderly friend of his then shared his own experience with him. When he was young, his own mother had cancer and he brought his mother around to seek for medical treatment, hoping to be able to cure her. Alas, one doctor gave him one news he would not want to hear, mentioning that his mother only had a month left to live.
He has a brother who had received a medical scholarship to study in a prestigious University a few years back and was all alone studying abroad. He gave his brother a call and delivered the unfortunate news. He was only four months away from graduation before he could be formally known as a professional doctor.
He applied for a month leave from his professor, hoping to accompany his mother through her final days. However, his application was rejected with the reason given that if he was to stop his courses, he would not be able to graduate.
He then thanked his professor for his care, guidance and advices throughout the many years but he chose and decided to take his leave and return to his homeland to care for his mother as there is only one mother in the world to him.
When his brother returned, with the special, attentive care and companionship given to his bed-ridden mother; feeding, bathing her, cleaning up her excrement, she managed to live through for another three months.
After listening to his friend’s story, he made a firm decision to resign from his job, returned to the place he grew up, returned to be with the woman who gave him life. His mother did not want to go through the sufferings of chemotherapy and chose holistic treatment instead.
He accompanied his mother to learn Qigong and practiced it together with her. He would be next to her, teaching her patiently whenever she encountered obstacles in her learnings and practice with her continuously.
This time around, he brought his mother and father for class. As days passed by, it can be seen that the interaction among them 3 was all about warmth, delving deeper into their inner world.
One could see a 30 years old man, choking as he shared his deepest feelings but yet his face shining radiantly as his filial attitude nourishes his life, enriching his soul, touching everyone’s heart.
You could see his mother who has cancer beaming broadly because of his love.
You could see how each step he took soften his father’s pride and ego, allowing the aged couple to mesmerize the sweetness of love again.
This sharing has nourished my inner soul, flowing through my system, like a quiet, clear river.
This year, just before the Lunar New Year, my 90 years old grandfather had a stroke and broke his leg. It was also found that his oesophagus was narrowed and a nasogastric feeding tube had to be inserted.
Grandpa has always enjoyed living alone. Nobody could convince him to stay with any of his children. So mum moved him to a house which she got nearby so that he can be taken care of easily. The location of the house is very strategic and lively as my younger brother, uncle and cousin sisters and brothers live in that area. The best part, my second brother and sister-in-law live just across the street.
When Grandpa was discharged from the hospital, my parents, three aunts and uncles took turns, rotating shifts to take care of my bed-ridden grandfather 24 hours a day.
There was a professional nurse who would come over to care, made necessary treatments and check up on Grandpa. She told my parents and relatives that from her experiences as a nurse, granddad would not survive till the Chinese New Year. My mum called me up to deliver this piece of news and told me to prepare for the worst.
We went back to our hometown for the Chinese New Year celebration and initially, my mum and aunts have made a restaurant reservation of 6 tables to have a feast for my grandfather and I as we share the same birth date and it was very close to Chinese New Year. We have had such celebrations for many years however, due to Grandpa’s condition, we were not able to celebrate together this year. We were all reminded numerous times that we are not to even talk about it by our elders because according to Malaysia’s Chinese Custom, it is best to forgo celebrating birthdays when our older relatives are gravely ill.
Therefore, all of us, the children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren went to Grandpa’s house every day to gather and have meals during the Chinese New Year celebration. It was bustling with noise and excitement. Although Grandpa was bed-ridden, listening to the gleeful voices from his grand and great-grandchildren has made him feeling happy. It was as though these companionships were the best medicine where one could see the corner of his mouth rising up faintly.
He kept reminding my aunt to prepare the Red Packets (Ang Pows) for him and that he would hand it out to us each, himself.
“Dad, Happy New Year. May you be blessed with good health”.. “Grandpa, Gong Xi Fai Cai, to good health”.. “Azu, Happy Chinese New Year..” There were about 70 of us, we could see an extremely long line forming from the living room up to the kitchen! We would hold Grandpa’s hand tenderly as we take the precious Red Packets from him.
After the Chinese New Year holidays, we all returned to our own home and I called up my mother every day to check up on Grandpa’s condition. With the sincere care and accompaniment of his children and grandchildren, not only did Grandpa spent the entire Lunar New Year with us but pull out the nasogastric tube all by himself (as it was making him feeling uncomfortable) and surprised us all as he began to eat by himself!
A few days ago, my sister-in-law sent us a short video. When I played the video, Grandpa could stand and began to walk slowly!
This time around, there is an outbreak of a new pneumonia (COVID-19) pandemic. There are many elderly people living alone or nursing homes in Europe. Due to them not being able to receive the proper treatment at the right time, many of them passed away feeling lonely.
Little Yellow Flower Education Foundation did a part by supplying free food baskets for some of the poor elderly folks who lives alone during the Malaysia Movement Control Order.
I visited a nursing home with my aunt once and the administrator told us that there were more nursing homes mushrooming and it was so disheartening for him.
It is something that is not understandable as in this modern metropolis world, where we can be proud of our achievements, where the world is more advanced, civilized, technologies are more developed, goods are more refined, education levels are standing tall, why is it that we are not able to accommodate and tolerate these elderly people who have once devoted their early days to the society and sacrificed for their family?
They were also once young and energetic laborers. Why are they now forgotten and abandoned during their last years when they are the ones who needs to be cared for, and loved most?
Feeling more superiority does not bring us more happiness. The more private space we strive for, will only distance ourselves from others…..
So far… that we could not even see and remember the people or things are really matters and are worth treasuring.
Where are the family members of these aged people?
There may be many stories to it but can it be rewritten if there were less pride and a little more empathy?
The Universe creates Life and parents are the bridges that brings life into this world. Why is it that we can provide the best for our children but not for our parents?
My friend, Rene has to take care of her grandmother, her father and mother; three golden gems. She will always walk over to their house to see them, accompany them, cook delicious meals for them and take care of their daily lives. Each time I see the pictures, videos and texts she share about her grandmother and parents, I am deeply moved.
Even as an International acclaimed actress and singer, she would still try her very best to take care of the three old family members and 1 young child as any normal mother, daughter and grand-daughter will do in her everyday life.
Last year, I visited a nursing home with a friend where there were more than 60 seniors who had dementia.
They are given shelter for various reasons. There are some seniors being visited by family members occasionally whereas there are some who are being totally neglected and abandoned. Seeing some of them, fragile looking, gazing blankly into the wall, allowing loneliness to seep into their souls by the inches, waiting for death to visit them while lying on their bed in this empty, dark shed, left me feeling extremely sad.
Let us all close our eyes, recollect our childhood’s memories, picturing the silhouettes of our parents who were taking care of us. Quiet down, feel the presence of our parents now. Can we still hear their voices, sense the connection and the warmth among us?
#说一说
#父母之恩
#letstalkabout
#loveforparents
holistic birth 在 Cindy Sirinya Bishop Facebook 的最佳解答
พวกเราครอบครัวนินจาพร้อมลุย! ปีนี้ตั้งใจว่าจะไป #SpartanRace กันทั้งครอบครัวเลยต้องเทรนกันเป็นประจำ ถึงท่าจะยังไม่สวยแต่ก็ไม่เป็นไรเพราะเข้าใจว่าการเล่นกีฬา #parkour สำคัญตรงที่ค้นพบการเคลื่อนไหวที่เหมาะกับร่างกายของตัวเอง ให้ได้กลับไปเป็นเหมือนตอนเด็กๆ คือวิ่ง ปีน กระโดด คลาน อย่าลืมเชียร์พวกเรานะหรือถ้าให้ดีกว่านั้นมาร่วมทีม The Movement Playground และไปลุยด้วยกัน!
We are a Ninja Family! And we’re headed for the Spartan Races this year so it’s back to training regularly for all of us. Although my moves are still far from pretty, Im getting stronger and more confident with every session. While the kids (well, they’re literally running circles around me 😅) but that’s ok. I’m realizing #parkour is all about finding your own movement and seeing how you can push your own limits. It’s about reconnecting with the way our bodies were designed to do from birth; running, climbing, jumping, crawling and balancing. But somewhere along the way, we grew up and forgot how to move! Really move, like our kids! We work out with weights in one direction only or do repetitive motions to build muscle but our movements are limited. Scaling a wall, balancing on a beam or swinging on monkey bars takes a different and much more holistic strength and agility. That’s what I’m focusing on this year. Follow our journey to Spartan or better yet, come join us! #shareyourmovement #whywemove #bestrong #beuseful #beyourmovement #themovementplayground #parkourfamily #ninjafamily #freerunning
holistic birth 在 Rika Adrina Youtube 的最佳貼文
NOPE, NOT FOR ME. Unless..... HAHAHAAH IM JUST KIDDING but it's a wonderful thought don't you think? I made this video cos i had so many questions about being a young mum especially in this economy... obviously i don't understand how people my age can even THINK about cloning themselves like this but after talking to Mawar, i can see the reason why now. Women are such strong beings, i cant stress this enough. Love & treat your ladies yalls (yes i am directly talking to u boys).
Fun fact: i had a terrible time editing this cos i had to watch Mawar's birthing video again and thoroughly this time so that i can add in the b-rolls.... please.... no more....
Timecodes:
0:00 - very confusing intro
0:46 - yay Mawar!
0:53 - realisation of wanting to be a mother
2:05 - what giving birth is ACTUALLY like
5:05 - body changes after child birth
5:51 - what is pantang (abstinence)?
6:36 - postpartum depression
9:33 - things that trigger ppd
10:04 - holistic reflection on the major lifestyle switch
10:48 - don't you miss your bachelorette life?
12:11 - are you sure you don't want kids?
12:54 - god is a woman especially single mums
13:33 - the pressure being in a long term relationship hahahaha
13:49 - grateful goes a long way
15:00 - outro + mother to my plants
Watch my previous video, how i braced myself for 2021:
https://youtu.be/F96jh51QUJk
You can say hi to me here:
Twitter/Instagram - @rikaadrina
TikTok - notrikaplsdontlookforme
Watch Mawar's birthing video here:
https://youtu.be/mMfxXsjq3pM
Keep up with Mawar and her journey into motherhood:
Twitter/Instagram/Tiktok - @mwrmy
Youtube - Mawar Remy
Thought I'd start including FAQs now haha:
1. how old are you? turning 23 (born in 1998)
2. how tall are you? 5ft (yes i am short shhhhh)
3. what’s your ethnicity? malay & japanese
4. what equipment do you use to film?
➭ main camera: fujifilm xa3
➭ mic: my iPhone 7 hahahaha
➭ editing: premiere pro
Song credits:
1. an awkward dinner conversation at a family gathering (piano version) - lullatone
2. the extra opportunities of a leap year - lullatone
3. this book smells like rain - lullatone
holistic birth 在 Akari Soflo Youtube 的最佳解答
今回のビデオでは、自分の体験を通して出産前に知っておきたかった事や、知っておいた方が良いと思う事について話してみました。
これはあくまでも、私が調べて思う事なので、ビデオの中で言っている事が他の人に当てはまるかは分かりませんが、これから出産を迎える人や、将来出産をしたいと思っている人にとって、少しでも為になれれば嬉しいです。
*ビデオ内で話した元メルク社員が自身の子どもには一度もワクチンを打たせていなかったというビデオ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YVPkCQxqz4&t=14s
*ワクチンと自閉症の関係について取り上げたドキュメンタリー映画 ”Vaxxed”
英語のみですが、アメリカのアマゾンプライムなら無料、YouTubeでなら$4で観ることができます。
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpQyYTs5LTg
INSTAGRAM @akari_soflo