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[[slide page 1]]
Thank you for attending this part.
I'm from Hand Angel, a non-profit organization of Taiwan.
The title of my presentation is "As a sex worker and a sex volunteer",
since I'm both a sex worker, and also attending Hand Angel as a sex volunteer.
[[slide page 2]]
Allow me to introduce my organization more,
though you may know some from what Vincent has said in the morning.
Our main tenet is sexual rights to people with disabilities.
[[slide page 3]]
This includes not only orgasm, but also the right to control one's sexuality with autonomy and without discrimination.
People know us usually because we provide limited sexual service for servere physical or visual disabilities, including females.
Hand Angel is not a registered organization in Taiwan,
since we literally provide sexual service, which is considered against public order and morals.
However, we are still able to initiative our idea on the table
because our service are free, which means we actually do not violate any law.
[[slide page 4]]
In Taiwan, the definition of "sexual transaction" includes obscene acts in exchange for monetary,
which means it's considered transactional sex even there is no sexual intercourse.
And since transactional sex is technically illegal in Taiwan,
there's no legal way for us to charge anything by providing any service which may be considered obscenity.
This is much different in other countries.
In Japan, the law prohibiting sexual transaction only applies to intercourse between one male and one female. That's why White Hands and NOIR are able to provide paid handjob. The other reason is that they seem do not locate their service as sexual transaction. We can talk about this difference later.
And in Hong Kong, there's some way for sex workers not to be punished, which is called "one-woman brothel". So the difficulty for people with disabilities to satisfy their sexual desire would be different.
I, who has been a sex worker for years -- under the table, of course -- was invited to join Hand Angel at its very beginning.
[[slide page 5]]
People keep asking me that how a sex worker would think about a free sexual service.
But before that question, I think it's more important for us to know the difference other than money.
What's the difference between a classical transactional sex and our service?
As a sex worker, I hope my customers will come back to me more and more, as many times as they can pay.
But as a member of Hand Angel, I hope the servees would not need us anymore.
In fact, I hope they don't have to come to us at the very beginning.
The reason why people with disabilities may need sexual service, is the absence of sexual resource, the resource to fulfill one's sexual desire.
This is just like other issues of disabilities.
[[slide page 6]]
Just providing a service would not resolve the structural problem.
For example, if you give food to the poor without changing their situation, you would end up finding out that they're still poor.
Now change the "food" to "sex".
If we just give our own sex to those who barely have sexual resource, we'll end up exploiting ourselves, and their bad situation still remains.
The problem is, disabled people are considered abnormal, and they have been treated as no unnecessary needs.
But what is necessary for a person to live her own life instead of just survive?
In our issue, disabled people are usually considered asexual, and seldom sexy. That's the stigma we're going to break down.
[[slide page 7]]
There are some textures talking about disabled people in love and having sex, such as "Scarlet Road", "Sex on Wheels", and "The Sessions".
However, the narrative are usually based on ableism.
Viewers usually focus on how can the service provider "bear" to have sex with disabled people, instead of seeing the obstacles disabled people encounter.
[[slide page 8]]
A feminist has said that the relationship a disabled person has is considered depending on the compassion of the other person. People think their sexuality is disgusting and only saints are able to tolerate it.
So we can see the problem is not only physical obstacles, but also how we think about intimate relationship a disabled person deserves.
[[slide page 9]]
Does Hand Angel care about intimate issue? The answer is yes.
In our service, we provide not only sexual service. Our target is not the physical orgasm, but the infinite opportunity of their own lives.
Here are two examples.
[[slide page 10]] Little Prince
Since this servee can sense nothing below his waist, a classical handjob would be meaningless.
Fortunately, we have a BDSM queen in our team.
She thought of techniques in SM to check how pain it is to the slave, and use the same trick to check how the servee's body can feel.
I have to emphasize: that was not a medical treatment, that was about communication with each other.
They were talking about the feeling of two people, instead of the body of one person.
The whole process relies on the intimacy between the sex volunteer and the servee.
[[slide page 11]] ND
"Strolling" for him was from his room to the front door of his home.
Uh, I'm not talking about he lives in a big house.
Though using an electric wheelchair, ND's finger was not powerful enough to control the device for more than 10 minutes,
which means going out alone is not possible for him.
But after applying for our service, he trained himself to "walk" longer.
Even after our service, we were told that he kept trying to leave home and meet other friends.
Another servee has tried other entertainment such as snorkeling and paragliding after our service.
He's having a more plentiful life than before, and even than me.
[[slide page 12]]
In these cases, we can see that:
First, physical orgasm is not the only purpose of a sexual service.
Secondly, libido, or desire for sexual activity, is a strong energy for people to live.
There's a continuing question for us: People can still live without sex.
[[slide page 13]]
What's so important for disabled people to have sex?
Well, I think sex is probably not important for those who can have sex easily, but the impossibility to sex or intimacy may deny the self-esteem of a person.
Sex is an important reason for most people to make friends. So on the other hand, once a person is forced to abandon the opportunity to have sex, she (or he) might lose the energy to social activities. And that's not good for mental health.
[[slide page 14]] The 3 aspects we care about
First, physical orgasm. This is not only about sex organ, but also those come from your erogenous zone.
The problem is not only that people don't know how to interact with disabled people during sex,
but also that people do not want to know how the sex would be for people with different disabilities.
Second, intimacy. The right to have a satisfying date is also important.
Let's imagine, what if a couple of lovers want to kiss each other while seeing movie in a theater, but one of them is in wheelchair so their positions are actually separated?
Third, social integration. Many people with disabilities don't have enough opportunity to make close friends. One of the reasons is that other people usually don't know how to react with disabled people. Therefore, education is important.
[[slide page 15]] Gender Equity Education
In Taiwan, gender equity education comprises 3 parts: affective education, sex education, and gay and lesbian education.
Though I also want to introduce the situation that the conservative group is raising a proposal of referendum to forbid gay and lesbian education, but that's not the issue here so I have to skip that. I hope people who are interested in Taiwan may notice that same-sex marriage is not the only issue about gender equity.
Uh, back to disability rights movement.
As an organization which cares both gender issue and disability issue, we note that even open-minded gender activists may ignore the existence of people with disabilities.
Gender equity education is never designed or applied in the point of view of the disabled.
For example, there are some materials for teaching safe sex, but people seldom think about how a blind person should know before she (or he) masturbate or have sex.
We have a servee who once masturbated in the bathroom of his home, but couldn't clean up since not knowing where his semen reached during ejaculation, and therefore shocked his sister who later used the bathroom.
And another friend bought an artificial vagina in a sex toy store. But he didn't even know he have to erect before insertion.
[[slide page 16]] female servee
People caring about gender equity keep question us: why is there only one female servee during these 5 years after our foundation?
Well, we think the answer is complicated. But the most important one is: how difficult for a female to "confess" she has sexual desire?
We all know about "slut shaming", and those terms to humiliate females by their sexuality -- such as "bitch" and "whore".
It's difficult even for able-bodied females to state their sex experience and preference.
Then it's even more difficult for disabled females to think what she herself wants.
But before sexual activity with other people, disabled females don't even know their body well.
The only female servee we have, told us she has never seen or touched her own vagina.
So we also hosted some conferences and speeches to discuss about such situation of disabled females.
[[slide page 17]] Androcentrism
This is an important issue for us. And I think it's important for those who care about sexual health of disabled people.
Though there are some textures talking about sexual desires of disabled females. To provide sexual service or even sex education to them is barely seen.
I have to admit that, even though there are more and more female members joining us, androcentrism is still not easy to get over.
[[slide page 18]] limitations
Hand Angel provides service to those with servere physical or visual disabilities.
So here comes a frequently asked question: what about others?
The main difficulty for us is that we don't know enough about the situation of other disabilities.
Of course we know that people with other disabilities also don't have enough sexual resources,
but we ourselves do not have enough resources to share, either.
That's why we also hope other people to compose other similar organization.
Meanwhile, there are some people we cannot help because of law.
Adolescents are the ones I myself care about most,
since male teenagers have overwhelming sexual desire, and that would be hell for those with upper limb disability.
However, there are always laws prohibiting youths to have sex in every country.
[[slide page 19]]
In Taiwan, it is legal to have sexual activity after 16. No matter it's intercourse or not.
But even for an organization providing free service like us, the member who communicate with sex volunteer and the servee would be punished as a broker if the servee is younger than 18.
Actually, we do have an applier who mailed us about his desire when he was 15. What we can do is tell him to wait 3 more years.
Unfortunately, being an adult does not mean your right to sex is permitted.
[[slide page 20]]
People with intellectual disability or mental disorder are also infantilized, treated as babies or angels, and considered asexual.
The dilemma is similar to what teenagers have. Their consents are not considered valid.
That is frustrating. The law to protect them from sexual violence also tortures them.
[[slide page 21]] Acrotomophilia and devotees
While talking about disabled people in love or having sex, this is also an issue we should mention.
Some people worry about that devotees are just trying to dominate or take control of the disabled people.
This is similar to MacKinnon's dominance theory and male supremacy.
Devotees are considered to have more power in the relationship, and thus disabled people have a lack of autonomy.
I think that's a stigma, too.
The dominance theory does not deny free love. It focuses on the power issue.
Thus, the problem lies still on the absence of resources disabled people deserve.
Slanders on devotees are based on the prejudice that disabled people are never sexy,
and that denies the possibility for disabled people to have plentiful sexual activity.
The whole society shall support disabled people to have their own autonomy in their relationship.
[[slide page 22]] Difficulties
Usually, people would understand sexual desire of disabled people.
But to support it publicly is another story, especially for the organizations relying on donations.
There are some social workers and parents telling us that they want to do something to help their cases and family,
but it is still an issue which could not be spoken.
It's never been easy for us to talk about sex on the table, but it should be done.
Even for those who don't agree with the idea of sexual service, I do hope you could at least support disabled people to talk about their sex and romance.
[[slide page 23]]
This ends my report. Thank you for listening.
I'm Kong, a sex volunteer of Hand Angel from Taiwan.
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social dilemma example 在 Dipna Lim Prasad Facebook 的精選貼文
I thought the xenophobia I experienced as a child was just a number out of a pool of random experiences. Surely, I would grow up to be in better company than the strangers who told me I was about the same as shit, or that I would always be of the lowest classes of citizens compared to local-born Singaporeans. I was wrong.
The hating on foreign nationals on my feed has reached a point where I am beginning to feel sick. To realize that some of these people are ones that I had once worked with makes it all the more painful.
Here are a few of my thoughts on the various threads of conversations that have come up, from the other side.
1. “The government should have spent more money on people like Schooling”
Joseph’s story is a golden and idealistic one. It's really incredible, no doubt. But in hindsight, it is of course easy to say all of these after he has already achieved what he has. But it doesn’t always start and end like this. I know of local-born Singaporeans on scholarships overseas who never came back. If, for example, Joseph was indeed sent to the US on Singapore’s dime and a) didn’t win, b) never came back, or c) quit. I bet a lot of people would change their tune, and blame the government for wasting money on a Singaporean who wasn’t trained on Singapore soil, by Singaporean coaches.
2. “We should just cultivate locals”
This is casual and easy to say. But it’s not so simple. There is a lot of prejudice against kids who want to pursue a career in sports or the arts. I’m certain that even someone who lives under a rock knows that, for we have long talked about how talents like Stephanie, Kit and JJ only managed to become super hits because they did not stay in Singapore.
If you had children, chances are that most of you would hesitate to believe and invest in your child to go into such careers, because it’s risky, unproven and with little chance of returns. You want them to have a stable, happy life, a secure job, that’s only natural.
As someone who tried to pursue what I loved since young, I have been called uneducated because I deferred my studies to prepare for the Commonwealth Championships and Games. I have been called stupid by a teacher in front of class in art school, for leaving RGS to pursue art. Most people don’t realize how difficult it is to actually cultivate locals, when the whole society scoff and look down upon them and tell them how stupid they are to think about it. The government is not the only problem—the people hold the key.
So what the government probably thought was that if the locals didn’t want to do it because they saw no hope for their children in pursuing these fields, then maybe, if we had some medal winners, these parents might change their minds. That once we set a precedent, perhaps slowly, some of these parents would allow their children to pursue their dreams, now that that we have set up an environment for them to learn, train, and could possibly excel in.
Certainly, it may not have become the outcome, and the government might have had other choices and had not picked the best one, but faced with this type of dilemma, you should not be surprised at the path taken.
3. “I’m a purist, I will never be proud of someone born elsewhere”
I sure hope your grandparents and theirs don’t hear you saying this. It’s heartbreaking.
The greatest thing about Singapore is that we tell people that this is their home, that we accept everyone regardless of race, language or religion. When my American friends ask me about Singapore, I used to tell them proudly that we are a multi-racial and accepting country. I am saddened that I might have been wrong, that my experiences as a child were not merely flukes, and that the xenophobia and discrimination has only proliferated through social media. We all came from somewhere, we all benefited from the immigrants that our parents, grandparents and forefathers were. So let’s stay civilized and not use racist and discriminatory words like ‘purist’.
4. Foreign Talents
People do things for a multitude of reasons—a better quality of life, a better career; family, love, fame, money, passion, excellence, whatever it may be, there is not much to achieve by hating on someone who is just trying to do their best.
Don’t look down on Jiawei just because she said she hated table tennis. How many of you knew what you wanted to do as a kid, are still doing it, and continue to have passion? I can assure you that the conversion rate is not 100%.
I know plenty of people who hate their jobs but continue to do it for a long time. Those of you who know me may be surprised, but I am also one of them. We are human and we change. Sometimes we start on a path early in our days, get good at it, and want to strive for the best. But along the way, we get tired or jaded. 18 years is a long time to be doing one thing, over and over again.
Sometimes, we also get hurt by the people we encounter, and eventually this passion becomes something we loathe and loathe ourselves for because we can no longer tolerate it. To overcome that is strength, but not all of us are strong enough to remain unbroken. So if we wanted to do something else? I don’t think that’s so wrong.
I was on the national team for close to 6 years. My mother, too, supported me and paid out of pocket so that I could train with top coaches and teams overseas during school holidays. I broke a record at the Commonwealth Shooting Championships and just wanted to focus on getting better. I wanted to go to the Olympics one day, too. But when things went bad, I was told to figure it out myself when I asked the sports council for help. I eventually quit the team.
I suffered from traumatic stress and was suicidal even years after. So whether it’s due to a sense of duty or to just keep surviving by having a job, Jiawei’s 18 years of commitment to table tennis is no easy feat. I admire her for that.
Joseph Schooling and his family did a great thing for our country and I am bloody proud that he won. But that is the achievement of Schooling and his family. Not the society who would have judged his family for spending over a million dollars as stupidity, or him for pursuing something that seemed like an impossible dream as poor choice and irresponsible parenting. However, he did draw Singapore in the place-of-birth lottery, and it makes me wonder how different the narrative would have been had he not been born here.
As a child I kept quiet because I thought the insensitive and hurtful words were what I deserved, for being born where I was despite being raised in Singapore. As an adult, I know now that these comments are not right.
Before you pass judgement the next time, please remember that people don’t get to choose where they were born or what skin color they were born with. At the end of the day, we are all the same on the inside—flesh and blood and bones, and a heart that's only trying to find our places in the world.
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